A Real Week In Football - Enter The Buttner And Rodgers Dodgers

Following on from the devastating news that our dynamic duo Shinji & Robin had both died while on international duty, we just didn’t know how, as a team we would recover.

We welcomed The Pie-Eaters to Old Trafford and spent the first 45 minutes in mourning at our bereavement. At half-time a tearful Chicharito noticed Robin hiding behind the physio table while Scholes was dazzled after spotting Shinji running above the stadium exquisitely stepping from one rain drop to another. It turned out, despite United fans across the world thinking otherwise, they had lesser injuries than you may incur from a medium sized sneeze! All cheerful and out of mourning United won 4-0 with debut goals from Little Nicky (not the son of Satan played by Adam Sandler) and Büttner (the actual son of Satan).

Elsewhere it was nice to get the answer to the big question; Can a bunch of egotistical overpaid mercenaries do it on a tepid Saturday afternoon in Stoke? The answer is clearly no. Another question nobody gives a crap about; Will the handshake happen? I don’t care if they get their little fellas out and start sword fighting, it’s important not to waste all the excitement on a pointless pre match handshake so the actual match isn’t a terribly boring 0-0 between the Rentboys and the Rentboys-lite!!

Being known as the Black-Cats it seemed Sunderland cared nothing for Liverpool or sentiment as they made it 4 games without a win for Buck Rodgers, who if he carries on like this he may become my favourite Dippers manager since Kenneth the furniture whisperer.

John’s Burning Question:

At the start of the weekend the media were suggesting that the new Spurs Manager USB had just 3 games to save his job. He had so far overseen 3 league games and was without a win. I didn’t read a single article that offered the same threat to Bending Rodgers. Why is that? Admittedly JCB showed the managerial nouse of an asthmatic cuttlefish during his brief spell at Chelsea… but what of the work Bending has so far overseen at Anfield?

Yes he may have stripped out some dead wood and managed to remove the chief ork Jay Spearing and Krispy Kreme’s best customer Charlie Adam, but is his squad any better? No. He let the peg whittling gypsy boy go to be the talisman of Big Sams tippy tappy football project at Weeeest aaarm and then failed to buy a replacement. A failure driven by the fact that he didn’t understand the budget offered to him by the club for transfers. A bit like selling your old beaten up fiat panda and then offering the bus driver a packet of Pokemon stickers and a hand job for a season ticket to work.

Many football experts like the new football correspondant for The Sun, Katie Price, identified that missing Lucas hurt Liverpool last season so for good measure Bending played him while injured and now the anti-Brazilian is only good for collecting the crack on a Friday and brushing Gerrrards hair during the warm up.

He also retained the services of Stewart Downing, the prolific and creative left winger who has exactly the same number of assists and goals for Liverpool as our new left back Buttner has for United. Buttner being a defender and only having played one game.

Finally he let Sloth from the Goonies leave, a man/beast who scored some important goals for the Scousers despite his eye bleedingly horrific apprentice and replaced him with Fabio Borini. A butcher from Italy who although he knows his way around a veal carcass doesn’t seem to have the first clue what those pretty white sticks are or why there is a net inbetween them.

As it transpired TNT led his team to a victory at the weekend while bending did not. Liverpool have now suffered their worst start to a season since 64BC when they finally won their 6th game against Pontius Pilot FC after a dubious penalty. Sack PLC? No way, he needs at lesst until January when Di Matteo will probably replace him after being released by Chelsea.

Sack Bending Rodgers? No thanks. He is creating a situation funnier than old ladies slipping on icy pavements

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