Here we go the consummate professionals that we are; we have started the season a week late, kind of like United did. Before people start bitching and saying blog X would have been out week 1, firstly blog A-Z can suck my balls. Secondly we were busy trying to find Bebe; he’d gone out celebrating his pre-season heroics and subsequently vanished. We found him on Wednesday evening in Nova Scotia living with a family of Harp seals, after convincing him they weren’t his birth family we got him home safely.
Anyway on with the wonderful world of football and to make up for lost time we’ll have a summary of the opening 2 weeks of Premier League fixtures. We started away at the dippers-light and after losing thanks to Rooney and Nani being “the worst players ever” the fans demanded we sign Fellaini. 6 days later we welcomed the rent boys-light to Old Trafford and after winning thanks to Shinji and Robin (how’d you like them apples Batman!?) the fans demanded we sign Dembele. Next up we play Southampton and win-lose-or draw thanks to whomever, I for one demand we sign Marian Pahars! I haven’t kept up with the Saints since they were relegated but I’m sure we could tempt the Latvian assassin away from them. I would say we could go for Barry Venison but as everyone says “we’re skint” and Venison is deer! BOOM! Yes I said it, thank you and good night.
Right that’s our situation covered, Rooney’s gash aside. As for some of the other points of note, it’s always nice to see Buck Rodgers and the dippers getting battered around the pitch. They followed up by getting a draw against the bitters, best result really nobody wants to see either of them win, ideally Bane would have appeared and blew up the pitch but that’s unlikely to happen as Bane is a fictional character played by Tom Hardy, like Charlie Adam is a fictional character played by a discarded potato.
The Bitters got a mention after they were gifted a point thanks to the Squirtel/Voldemort assist to the offspring of a sick horse and star-nosed mole cross-breed experiment. The scientists behind this experiment promised to melt down the evidence but that horrible freak got out of an open window midway through termination. The game looked beyond them as did their opener at the Emptyhad but they managed to salvage 4 points from their first 2 matches. It must be the magical powers from “The Theatre of Miracles” hahahahaha Vinny Kompany. Small mentality.
That’s it for a return entry; we’ll be back up and running weekly from now on. Oh just hot off the press as I write this, Carroll has signed for West Ham on a season long loan, £35m well spent there, he’s the gift that keeps on giving.