Stepping aside from the usual football writings that you normally read on this site, please also take the time to read this and forward to anyone who might be struggling with depression themselves.
Some of you might know this about me through other sites that I write for but I have battled depression. In 2009 I had a mental breakdown, my life was not my own and I was a shadow of my former and now present self. I didn’t get help for about 8 months instead I battled through and hid my depression to those who cared about me. Family and friends had no clue, I felt ashamed of what was happening to me. I felt that this was my fault and I had to sort it out. In a way I acted my way through, forced myself to be the happy and bubbly Sarah that people knew but eventually it wore me down until there was nothing left and I literally broke.
When you break, picking up the pieces can take time and soon every part of your life is examined and blamed as to maybe being the cause. You’re pushed and pulled through every part of your life searching for answers and sometimes there won’t be an answer. For me, mine was a lot of things all at once that built up into a big crescendo of pain that I couldn’t deal with. I had pushed it away only for it to be put back into my life in devastating form.
I have never had those dark days where I thought about ending my life but I know it could have happened. I know a lot of people see depression as being weak and I was one of them before I had experienced it for myself. You cannot understand how depression takes hold of you until you have battled with it yourself or seen someone close to you go through it.
Just last year a close friend of mine died after battling with mental health issues for many years. Depression can be like a mask that we carry and sadly sometimes people can only stay strong for so long. You can’t simply snap out of depression and those that think you can have no clue how it feels to be swept away by this silent illness.
I do not suffer from depression now, I control it. I still have quiet moments in my otherwise bubbly personality and I know the right people I can talk to. They don’t have to be professionals. A simple chat over a cup of coffee with a friend can be all I need.
It is good to talk, and that is why I have written this. Awareness is ever so important and it shouldn’t take the loss of someone for us to see how fragile life can be. But it does.
Remember “You are not alone”.
If you or someone you know needs help or advice then see;
The Faithful would like to send our condolences to Gary Speed’s family and friends.