While you are reading this, balanced precariously on a window ledge so that you can steal someone else’s wi-fi and drinking slightly out of date Ribena…the Swansea City ‘ball boy manager’ is planning a lucrative future.
Britain is taking a long soak in the bath of poverty, and yet Charlie Morgan is negotiating appearance fees for Loose Women, the One show, Graham Norton and Babestation. He will probably be the face of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ and secure a weekly column for Heat magazine… and yet us honest folk struggle even to afford branded lube.
Charlie, as even the inhabitants of Baffin Island are aware, is the boy who lay on top of the ball in the Rumbelows Cup semi final, thus preventing Eden Hazard from returning it to the keeper. The pink mist descended on Hazard and he prodded Charles in the tummy with his very soft boot. Hazard was of course wrong to do this but I would urge you all to think about what might have happened to Charles if the perpetrator had been someone else…
What might have been the outcome if Vidic had wanted the ball?
Would we have seen the Serbian demon devouring Charlie’s lower intestine while the wee lad writhed in agony, his limbs literally strewn around the Liberty Stadium?
How about harking back a few years, what if Dennis Wise had been the player? Charles might have woken up in a Turkish backstreet ‘clinic’ missing one kidney and all of his fillings…and with a chaffing sensation all around his bottom hole.
Imagine the Ballbag trying his time-wasting tactics in the 1960’s? He would have been battered into the turf and then given a bloody good hiding by all 22 players and the officials, purely for not respecting his elders.
Would he have tried his silly time wasting in other sports? I can’t imagine him trying to make off with Red Rum as the jockey tied his laces or chancing his arm at concealing Tiger Woods putter in his poo shoot.
Yes Hazard was in the wrong to kick the chap but Charles must feel relived that the player that chose to try and retrieve the ball was the neck bearded effeminate Chelsea winger…and not Jip Jaap Stam, as I am quite sure the flipping big Dutch man would have kicked his stomach all the way to Ystalyfera.