There’s a scene towards the end of the film Se7en where plod played by Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt are preparing to accompany serial killer Kevin Spacey to a secluded location where he wants to show them another dead body. Freeman tells Pitt “if John Doe [Spacey]’s head splits open and a UFO should fly out, I want you to have expected it.
Right now that sums up my feelings towards United, we’re at a point where no matter how far-fetched, ridiculous or embarrassing the situation, I’m at the point where I’m almost expecting it. If Ed Woodward were to announce he’d appointed Geri Halliwell the new Director of Football, or Louis van Gaal were to turn up for his next press conference without his trousers on, or the Glazers decided to relocate the club to Anglesey. I’d expect it. There’s simply nowhere left to go in the spectrum of utter nonsense and farce that has enveloped the club I love. When I say farce I’m not talking about the humorous Laurel and Hardy tripping over tins of paint farce, more the ‘United are incapable of even hosting a game of football which has had the world’s media reporting on our incompetence’ farce.
Sunday’s bomb scare was the latest in a line of catastrophes that will soon be titled the Manchester United season 2015/16 DVD. There was nothing new about United not having scored a goal by the time 3.45 arrived, the only difference was this time it wasn’t due to the negative football we’ve witnessed all season, but due to – wait for it- a training exercise that took place four days earlier where a pretend bomb had been left on the cubicle door. Now, I’m no Andy McNab, but surely if a ‘bomb’ is left in the toilets at Old Trafford on a Wednesday, someone during the course of Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday morning should’ve checked the toilets anyway for a potentially explosive device that could have wiped out half the South Stand had it not been made by Fisher Price. The fact United insist on making each visitor to Old Trafford take their coat off before being searched makes the whole debacle even more amazing. The very fans being searched on Sunday as they entered the ground were the ones who were being put at risk by the incompetence of the club doing the searching. Ooh the irony.
Sunday’s game isn’t the first United one this season which hasn’t gone ahead on time, recently the West Ham game was delayed, albeit that was due to those lovable cheeky cockney chappies bombarding the Reds’ team bus with bottles and missiles in their lovable rogue ways. A few weeks prior to the West Ham game, United had to have another match postponed due to getting caught in traffic on the way to White Hart Lane. This may all seem slightly irrelevant, but for some it adds to the idea that from top to bottom, the club is cloaked in ineptitude.
Now we face an irrelevant league game just four days before the cup final, so naturally van Gaal won’t rest anyone, he’ll play his strongest side. I’m expecting it…